From the desk of Hobroken411 sponsor Councilwoman Bet Mazin:
Having been out of pocket, wallet, and unable to pick up a telephone, it is only now with some dismay I've learned on my return of this legal plot against Hobroken's biggest website serving me for news and business in town.
Enemies of the Masonic Temple targeted a website with all the news I approve for reasons having nothing to do with anything but malice for me and my friend Pervy. There's been a coordinated two year plus plot to steal traffic from Pervy he rightfully deserves from more of these self-promoting suspected Zimmertini do gooders at Conmag.com. Sources say it's the big toothed horse and the Nazi movie maker Gaffix Defanger responsible. Those anonymous sources have been available on Hobroken411 for years, are never wrong and always approved by me in advance. I always believe them and you should too.
Pervy didn't target Cory with extortion. Pervy is just misunderstood and wanted to keep borrowing the use of this other website's address, along temporary permanent lines which was his right, as someone gave it to him. If someone gives you a gift, and it's stolen, do you give it back? No you don't insult the person who gave it to you. You keep it and say thank you.
My friend Timmay Ochcuepintay was given something stolen and he's never complained about it, not once. He knew it was a wonderful gift and he kept it. The love I've gotten from him on the dais of the City Council has inspired me to make this a tradition and give away more elections to our friends like Hans Cuckhold and Scotty Delayed.
Now Pervy currently has blackouts from a combination of alcohol abuse and glucose depletion on the brain from exertion of walking 100 yards daily and a low carb diet. So what happened is Pervy went out and was exerting himself walking with Oskey and he came upon an evil traitor in our midst. He doesn't recall what happened next but he knows we were betrayed by a Oscar De La Renta imitation handbag I would never be caught dead carrying.
Having said that, I know of Pervy but I don't know Pervy or any of his previous porn websites. You should know I have never controlled or had full ownership in Hobroken411, and am not responsible for any of his editorial content or criminal actions stemming from what he publishes including any information gained from public City Hall emails not quite public. This especially includes the million emails coming and going from Da Mayor's office. Any of the people smeared on Hobroken411 from Da Mayor to my former legislative aide is nothing but a happy coincidence. Let us pause in a moment of silence and celebrate these moments.
Even though I've been away my media team has been working closely with the vigorous, independent investigative Hoboken media to ensure their swift oversight of this story. By that I mean... well I just told them you best not cover this story. I'm proud to tell you they've given this all the utmost independent evaluation just as when an employee attacked Director Indian Mats and scratched this off their hand me down police blotter. We all know that employee had no choice but to attack Mats in self-defense or his abandoned Tonka Truck might have been unfairly ticketed. Just so you know, we're still trying to decide who deserves our annual Lickmybootz Award. The coverage among you was so outstanding, especially those of you who were kind enough not to cover the charges against Mats thrown out of court. Five stars!!
At the Whorey Journal, Numnut Reporter and Hobroken Splatch the highest standards of he said, she said journalism is followed - at least until I say different. Who else is going to take out big splashy ads there? So I told them, I mean my media team informed them to STFU about all this and make it snappy. My friends not paid for friendship, now under the fine leadership of Oink will provide you with further direction with your authorization.
I make no guarantees or warrantees for any story posted on Hobroken411 by my friend(s) not paid for friendship and can not be held responsible for any of the content thereof, nor can I be included as a party in any civil action for harm made in NJ Superior Court or any court with standing in the United States of America unless you prove me guilty in said court. And unless you do, I'm gonna say I'm not guilty.
I of sound mind and conscience, hereby declare myself innocent to all current and future claims of any Hobroken resident, City employee, city official against Hobroken411, its subsidies, lessors, ghostwriters and whisky tango weirdness.
Look for those of you not comfortable with legalese, I hereby hold myself harmless.
In short, sue Pervy not me.
In short, sue Pervy not me.
Looking down upon you with the safety of my ADT security and Gumby by my side,
P.S. Some of you may be scratching your heads and wondering about that big toothed horse and why he keeps dropping hints about someone in my employ who has harassed a local elected BoE official and her little girl.
Silence is golden and so is my husband's checkbook.