Saturday, June 9, 2012

Guest of the Asylum: The nutty bludiamonds on Counte$$-Calicchio emails

From the half-baked roasted nut:





I want to see Counte$$'s emails with my replacement minion, Matt Caliccio. RELEASE THE EMAILS, I SAY!!! 

RELEASE THE EMAILS!!!! 

From: Counte$$ 
To: Matthew "The Berzerker Balogna-Burp" Calicchio 
at 9:33 p.m. on Wednesday, June 7, 2012 

Dear Mr. Calicchio, 
I am very disappointed. I thought you could be a better minion than that idiot Lane, who got me into all that trouble with the FBI and then ratted me out. All he ever wanted was a PIO job anyway. That stupid jerkoff and his easel. I thought you were much, much better. Maybe not too smart, ok, fine, and I didn't think it was possible to look any goofier in a suit than clown-shoes Lane, but you actually managed to pull it off. But this latest stunt was unacceptable, and all you've done by harassing that woman is get me into the soup again and more trouble with the authorities. I can't have this. Do you understand? Do you know who I am? I'm COUNTE$$, dammit! I want RESPECT! I want to be MAYOR!!! And I want to be the SYMPATHETIC FIGURE amid all these horrible people trying to... gah... do right by Hoboken! I AM THE GABBY GIFFORDS OF HOBOKEN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? Every time that drasted Dawn Zimmer lowers taxes, or saves the hospital, or advances a park plan, it feels just like getting shot in the face! 

So, in short, you're fired, fatass. 

From: Matthew "The Berzerker Balogna-Burp" Calicchio 
To: Elizabeth "Counte$$" Abruzzese 
At 9:37 p.m. on Wednesday, June 7, 2012 

I DON UNNESTAN WHAT ALL DEM BIG WORDDS SAY BUTT YOU BETTR KEEEP RIGHTIN NEM CHEKS OR EYEM GONNA MAKE LIKE DA UNDERTAKER AN PUT YOU IN WONNA DEM COBRA CLUTCH CHOKEHOLDS JUS LIKE ON DEM TV GUYS EYM ALWAYZ STALKIN AT DEM AIRPORTS. YOUZ DON GET IN BED WITH BERZERKER BALOGNA-BURP CALICCHIO AN DEN JUS WALK AWAY WHEN YA FEELZ LIKE IT, BITCH. WEEZ HITCHED FER LIFE SO GET USED TO IT AN PAY UP!!!!! OR GET READY TA RUMBLE!!! I BLEW UP PUPIE'S COMPYOOTA AND RAYDED HIS FILES AND I'LL DO DA 
SAME TA YOO AN DEN SIT ON YUR FAYS, BEYOTCH!!!!


"I did the dirty work now gimme my Mason Civic League money or I'll knock you out counte$$!"