Friday, August 3, 2012
To all Hobroken residents
From: It's me Bet
Re: The illegal Zimmertini backed invasion in Hobroken and why I matter
Without my consent, an illegal gathering, a true invasion upon Hobroken took place Wednesday. It was a disaster of unprecendent proportion, which has never befallen us since timecards were introduced at City Hall.
While I know this is upsetting to many of you, my crack consulting team has been on the job. Yesterday we held an emergency meeting at Mazin Civic plotting how to use this invasion against the mayor. We are determined to uncover the true nature of the invaders and their narcotics distributed through unapproved sources and more determined to keep any of the invading scum from moving in, with exceptions to Friends of Ours who are receiving their due royalties of course.
While even I as your leader can not possibly sue all the people bringing Zimmer and the invaders upon us, know that my coterie of thugs, creeps and minions are taking action and many of you may be more fortunate than winning the lottery if chosen by my checkbook. Look at what I've done for Not Perry.
There's been some chatter on Hobroken Splatch about my possible mayoralty and some of our friends. First let me say your adoration for me in the second ward has been what I've treasured least in your desire to see me rule here and elsewhere. I'm less interested in the federal facilities than some of my friends who have bigger files than ever thanks to me. Everybody under the bus!
My boy toy Timmy says I should write him big fat juicy checks again and he will provide me all kinds of pleasure and make me feel like a teenager again but I know many of you are not as enamored with his reported theft of bingo cake from seniors and besides I already have a boyfriend. Sorry Ricky, I need and deserve more sexy time.
Mishelly is my true rival running the main crime family here but the Mikie Squared FBI surveillance tape can only get you so far among the cannibals who elect cannibal kings. I tell her that and she keeps saying I should write a check to the Queen of the Sea at Aqua View. Not going to do it, if that clan gets their hands on all the money, what will they need me for? You think I'm that dumb? I'm not dumb, I'm smart and I can beat Timmy on any fifth grade social studies exam.
Is there any among you who wish to see a sandwich run Hobroken? I don't think so.
Oh look at the time I have to go. I have to get to Newark, those blue windbreaker boys want to know my drape recommendations to remodel their drab facilities. It may take a couple of years for me to help them update some of their locales but I may be willing to share my awesome knowledge for the right deal, I mean price.
Okay Hobroken whatever you do, don't turn this town into a pile of poopie.
With all my benevolence upon you,
Related: Bet and the G man: http://www.hobokenhorse.com/2011/06/bet-and-g-man.html