People of Hoboken, I come bearing greetings to you from me, myself, and I: Counte$$ Beth Mason, the high holy triumvirate trinity of the Mile Square!
As you my unwilling subjects are bound by law, custom and my SLAPP suits know, I am currently once again in ascendency and you who I reign over with benevolence are under my protection from the K-9 police dogs unleashed by the heinous Mayor Zimmer.
While the illegitimate mayor fraudulently holds the second floor chair at City Hall without my expressed authorization, many are confused with her insistence on balanced budgets, lower taxes, new and refurbished parks and stealing my money to stop your flooding.
What most do not know is she is secretly training a bevy of new Zimmerists dogs to attack Hoboken residents with further "ethnic cleansing" upon my great city. (I paid every goon around, it's mine.)
Even as I have mustered my minions to once and forever destroy that big toothed horse who has continually attempted to liberate my plantation, the Zimmerists and their mindless zombies dare to oppose me. (Whatever you do don't read any of that stuff on hobokenhorse.com. It's really bad and will give you hives and ebola. If you heard this in my earlier missal, that stuff is all true.)
|The Bet Eagle has Landed?|
Currently, I am working with my Old Guard friends to rally the people on my payroll and launch an attack on City Hall which will once and for all devastate and rid our land of the hated Zimmerists.
Then under my direction and edicts, we will deploy Vision 20/20 on the masses who will tremble before our mighty new develop or die marvel. See before you, a political architectural masterpiece, a prophecy come to fruition with more than double the size of the new revitalized Hoboken Housing Authority. (With a Sandy proof basement for mating jackals and their Zigsbee managed semitic females.)
Each floor of the new buildings will have a designated Masonista. Upon each and every election this captain will knock on every door and assist our voter filling out a voucher, who will then sign and collect a Vote by Mail ballot on their behalf. My personal goon Mongo will ensure the safe passage of our votes to be tallied not once but thrice.
In this way, those who are true Hoboken will regain their lofty status, lord it over the yuppie scum in our midst and rule over all of Old Hoboken who will bow down in fealty to our Old Guard mantle. Once again, you will know and kneel before my never ending maleficence.
I pay homage in your fealty to me. That's about $50 per vote or $140 per in street money. Someone has to do something about the leakage in my elections in this town.
Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me you want to be in on my loot.
Let the peace of my vindictiveness be upon you all.
Original graphic courtesy of Grafix Avenger